The Douche Edition (edited-2)

What is it about January and dudes coming clean about stuff we already know?

Mark McGuire + John Edwards pretending to man up = only adds to your douchiness and our irritation/disgust/pity/blech of you.

Seriously. Stop talking.

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Anyone else think it's surreal to see Bush with Clinton raising awareness/funds for Haiti at the request of Barry even as he points the finger back at Bush (can't quit ya!) for the country's mess that Barry has made infinity worse?!

But, that's the kind of guy Bush is; he's not above helping even when he knows Barry can't shut it.

I believe it's called living your faith and having some class about being above the fray.

Wait. Just to be fair here, if being a douche is an actual classless faith, then Barry: You're Doing It Right!

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PETA. Enough said for most folks who read here. PETA is the Original Douche Squad. But today, there's enormous competition for the top slot of Supreme Douchebaggery (this spot actually comes with an award, but you do NOT want to see what that looks like). Let's check in to see how they are fighting to keep their blue ribbon of douchery.

Movie maker James Cameron has landed another honor - for his portrayal of aliens in "Avatar". Animal rights group PETA has handed the director a Proggy Award for Outstanding Feature Film for "the inspiring message in his blockbuster".

No, I did not make that up. Obviously, wannabe douches have much to learn from the master PETA.

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Dear Keith,

I think you owe the good folks of Massachusetts an apology for such a blatant ratings ploy. By the way, how's that working for ya, big man? Should I alert the press over how well you are kicking anyone's ass in the ratings? (your local public access shows do not count). Exactly.



Douchebaggers everywhere: Bow before your KING!


EDIT: I stand corrected. Keith does beat someone in the ratings game. His own kind. But doesn't come close to the top numbers. Reality stings, eh Olbermann?!

CABLE NEWS RACE
TUES. JAN. 19, 2010
ELECTION NIGHT

FOXNEWS HANNITY 6,809,000
FOXNEWS GRETA 6,399,000
FOXNEWS O'REILLY 5,228,000
FOXNEWS BECK 3,446,000
FOXNEWS BAIER 3,338,000
FOXNEWS SHEP 3,241,000
CNN KING 1,681,000
CNN COOPER 1,508,000
CNN BROWN 1,308,000
MSNBC OLBERMANN 1,274,000
MSNBC MADDOW 1,236,000
CNN BLITZER 1,135,000
CNNHN BEHAR 845,000
MSNBC HARDBALL 798,000


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Hugo Chavez and Sean Penn are pals. Sean digs Chavez over the evil Bush (can't quit ya!). Chavez said the US caused the earthquake in Haiti.

Spanish newspaper ABC quotes Chavez as saying that the U.S. navy launched a weapon capable of inducing a powerful earthquake off the shore of Haiti. He adds that this time it was only a drill and the final target is ... destroying and taking over Iran.

Douche-squared.


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And finally, the douche-bang heard round the world: NBC stripping us of CoCo.

I am not a huge Leno fan. When he announced the deal to leave (5 years ago?!) and Conan would take his place, I began my gleeful countdown. I am not a late night kinda gal, but I knew I could watch the Conan's monologue every night if I wanted and end the day on a laugh. And now? Not so much. Booooooooo.

My prediction: Leno is gonna tank. You can't go home again, especially if you take the house by force.

I just don't buy that he has no control over this situation, that he has no say, that it's out of his hands, no matter how good of a guy he's portrayed as. And I think many feel the same as I do.

Way to screw us over.

NBC: Ndouche Bdouche Cdouche (the N-B-C are all silent)

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LATE AFTERNOON EDITION DOUCHE:

Specter tells Bachmann to act like a lady (if i had a nickle every time The German said that to me...)

Gave me an afternoon douchelight.